What am I doing with my life?
It hits me when I'm sitting in the bus, on my way to work. It hits me when I'm home, chilling on my coach on a Friday, because I'm way too tired to go out and enjoy the night. It hits me way too often for my liking.
This thought.
This sneaky, panicking thought.
"What am I doing with my life?"
I've spend pretty much all my 20s traveling the world, studying fields I love, and overall enjoying life. I moved back to my home country a couple of months ago, just before turning 30.
Why?
It just felt right at that moment. I wanted to be closer to my family, and to some friends. I also thought that it would be easier to find a job in a country where I don't need any visa or permit to stay. Which was the case.
I did find a job.
It's a pretty good job when I think about it. I make decent money for a young professional. I work with a great team. My boss is nice, and let me work in peace. Plus, I get free coffee.
So, what's wrong?
It's boring as f*ck. No, seriously. I have a hard time thinking that I now sit in a beige office most of my day, when I used to feel so thrilled about everything just a couple of months ago.
Having a nomadic lifestyle isn't always unicorns, glitters, and magic, don't get me wrong. There are hard and depressive moments, like any other lifestyles or life choices. It's not for everybody, and it's fine. But it IS for me. Stability and commitment give me panic attacks and anxiety. I need adventures, excitement, and freedom. Freedom is the most important thing in my life. Feeling free, totally and entirely free, is the greatest feeling I have ever had. It had lasted for more than 10 years.
I now sit in a beige office with Brigitte the spider plant.
I'm not saying that I want to go back to my early 20s, when I was all crazy and wild (and let's be honest, a bit stupid). I just want to feel excited again about every day that's coming. Excited about what I write. Excited about my life.
I could quit the job. Yeah, I know. I do need the money for the moment though, and it's nice to have such a good entry on my CV. I'll keep it for a while, mostly for practicality (how do I hate talking like that!).
Instead, I thought I could start writing as a freelance for some cool magazines. At least try to do it, since the market is saturated. I also need to learn how to pitch articles to an unknown content manager. I've never pitched an article before, how sad for a writer, hn? The ones I write are all published without any pitch needed, so my only experience with pitching was in my classes, back to my University years
I just want to stop asking myself what I am doing with my life. And having fun writing again.
It might help me to escape my beige office. But I'll keep Brigitte the spider plant. She's quite lovely.
This thought.
This sneaky, panicking thought.
"What am I doing with my life?"
I've spend pretty much all my 20s traveling the world, studying fields I love, and overall enjoying life. I moved back to my home country a couple of months ago, just before turning 30.
Why?
It just felt right at that moment. I wanted to be closer to my family, and to some friends. I also thought that it would be easier to find a job in a country where I don't need any visa or permit to stay. Which was the case.
I did find a job.
It's a pretty good job when I think about it. I make decent money for a young professional. I work with a great team. My boss is nice, and let me work in peace. Plus, I get free coffee.
So, what's wrong?
It's boring as f*ck. No, seriously. I have a hard time thinking that I now sit in a beige office most of my day, when I used to feel so thrilled about everything just a couple of months ago.
Having a nomadic lifestyle isn't always unicorns, glitters, and magic, don't get me wrong. There are hard and depressive moments, like any other lifestyles or life choices. It's not for everybody, and it's fine. But it IS for me. Stability and commitment give me panic attacks and anxiety. I need adventures, excitement, and freedom. Freedom is the most important thing in my life. Feeling free, totally and entirely free, is the greatest feeling I have ever had. It had lasted for more than 10 years.
I now sit in a beige office with Brigitte the spider plant.
I'm not saying that I want to go back to my early 20s, when I was all crazy and wild (and let's be honest, a bit stupid). I just want to feel excited again about every day that's coming. Excited about what I write. Excited about my life.
I could quit the job. Yeah, I know. I do need the money for the moment though, and it's nice to have such a good entry on my CV. I'll keep it for a while, mostly for practicality (how do I hate talking like that!).
Instead, I thought I could start writing as a freelance for some cool magazines. At least try to do it, since the market is saturated. I also need to learn how to pitch articles to an unknown content manager. I've never pitched an article before, how sad for a writer, hn? The ones I write are all published without any pitch needed, so my only experience with pitching was in my classes, back to my University years
I just want to stop asking myself what I am doing with my life. And having fun writing again.
It might help me to escape my beige office. But I'll keep Brigitte the spider plant. She's quite lovely.
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